[RESOLVED] Telephone support

[Brewern]

When one of my clients, new to Windows95, called me with a problem I had her boot it up and tell me any error messages. Then I told her "Go up and Right Click on 'My Computer'".
She instantly shot back "Your Computer"??

[SavagePenguin]

I had that happen once before, only it was a guy on the phone.

He had a good sense of humor about it. I like tech support calls where the caller's in a good mood. Most tech cupport calls are people mad at you, or are too flustered to think straight.

[Kyr0n]

hehe, listen to this one i got yesterday just before closing time. My boss told me just to see what was going on, and tell her to bring it in, as we don't do free phone support anymore.

Me: Hello, how may i help you?
Cust: My computer wont turn on. It's just dialing.
Me*confused*: Oh, so you can get it to dial up to the internet? what kind of error message are you getting?
Cust: I'm not getting any message, the screen is just black and it wont come on, its just dialing.
Me**confused even more**: Ok, well, i can't really help you with that over the phone then, can you bring it in?
Cust: sure, i'll be there tomorrow.


I never could make since of what she was saying

------------------
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.

[Skatman]

me: Welcome to tech support how may i help you?

cust:I need help
Me: Ok whats the problem
cust:My computer wont work
me: What were you doing at the time
cust:I was using my computer


rinse repeat for about 5 mins

argh!!!

[QSECOFR]

Computer Screen: Press any key to continue.
Customer: Where's the any key??

------------------
OS/400...At least it's not Microsoft.

[CobraTekMax]

I love knowing that I've given my notice to my employer, and I can do pretty much anything I want.

A couple of our techs were in my office today, when our secretary buzzed me and told me there was a really panicky lady on the phone who needed to speak to a technician. "I'll take it.", I say. So I put the lady on speaker, and tell her that she's on the phone with not one, but THREE highly qualified technicians. She began rambling on and on for about 5 minutes about how she installed some program, and was unable to boot into windows. She bascially read the instruction manual for the program to me page by page. After her little rant, she asked me "What happened?"

So thought for a second, then very dryly said, "Somebody set you up the bomb!"

She seemed perplexed, and the two other techs were rolling on the floor laughing. "All your computer are belong to us.", I said. "You have no chance to survive bring your computer in for a diagnostic, or it is on the way to destruction."

She didn't know how to respond, so she agreed to bring it in for a diagnostic. My techs are still laughing about it. And it didn't help that the first thing I said to them when I came back from lunch today was "How are you, gentlemen?"

------------------
I sell computers and computer accessories, I tell ya what.

[Larommi]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by QSECOFR:
Computer Screen: Press any key to continue.
Customer: Where's the any key??

</font>

I remember Homer Simpson saying the same thing!!

Actually, I like the calls where the customer takes your word literally.

Customer: I deleted a file.

Me: Did you empty your recycle bin?

Customer: Yeah the guy picks up on Thursday's

Me: Huh?

Customer: Yeah, paper in the morning, glass in the afternoon!

Ahh and there are so many more!!



------------------
Microsoft is to software what McDonalds is to gourmet cooking!

Dale Earnhardt #3 (1951-2001)
You will be missed!

[jimmr13]

Hi this is Jim you wanted to speek to me personally?

Ya this piece of sh*t you built fu**in don't work!

Wow what seems to be the Main Problem?

Ok I fu**in pushed the da*n button and Nothin!

Did you check the connections and is it plugged into the wall plug?

What do fu**in think I'm Stupid, It's hooked up right!

Okay push the button,...... Now what is happening?

Not a damn thing, I'm going to stick this Fu**in thing.....................

Sir ahh Sir!

Ya what.

I can here the fan!

Oh yah it makes noise but that's all so?

Sir on the Monitor lower right, little button about an inch from 4 buttons in the middle, Push that button!

Well I'll be!

Yes you will! and have a nice weekend anyway!

------------------
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer!

[Sunstroke]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by CobraTekMax:
I love knowing that I've given my notice to my employer, and I can do pretty much anything I want.

A couple of our techs were in my office today, when our secretary buzzed me and told me there was a really panicky lady on the phone who needed to speak to a technician. "I'll take it.", I say. So I put the lady on speaker, and tell her that she's on the phone with not one, but THREE highly qualified technicians. She began rambling on and on for about 5 minutes about how she installed some program, and was unable to boot into windows. She bascially read the instruction manual for the program to me page by page. After her little rant, she asked me "What happened?"

So thought for a second, then very dryly said, "Somebody set you up the bomb!"

She seemed perplexed, and the two other techs were rolling on the floor laughing. "All your computer are belong to us.", I said. "You have no chance to survive bring your computer in for a diagnostic, or it is on the way to destruction."

She didn't know how to respond, so she agreed to bring it in for a diagnostic. My techs are still laughing about it. And it didn't help that the first thing I said to them when I came back from lunch today was "How are you, gentlemen?"

</font>

Awesome!

One of my fellow co-workers was having difficulty explaining viruses and such to a customer on the phone. He loves to use weird analogies and such. His analogy for viruses and antivirus programs went like this.
In a serious and unerving tone: "There's a war going on out there and every day it's on a different front!"
I heard this in the background and couldn't help but crack up. I guess he's right in a sense but I'd love to have him narrate a show on TLC or maybe a commercial.

Sunstroke