need help getting girl

[Worldsci]

Now I'm in college studying Automation and Robotic and I have a problem: I don't know how to approach girl.

Well you see, I spend most of my time doing computer stuff (games, photoshop, checking out appz etc..) for the entire high school and lacked hanging out with friends (most of my friend are also computer-heads too) and of course lacked the social skills to approach/talk to girls.

I am not joking here and I believe there’s lots of guys out there (reading this maybe?) have the same situation as I do.

Any suggestions, comments and or guides you people have?

And also what does girl look for in guys?
========= =
About me:
I’m 5’6, 160 lb, not rich and I guess I looked ok

Help please!!!!!


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No one cares how hard you worked,
they want result!

[MacGyver]

I was in a very similar situation - however I was very fortunate because a nice young lady came along and asked me out for coffee. Well, 10 months later we were married. I never had a serious relationship before that. I wasn't even looking for a relationship at the time, let alone a wife!

My advice is to get out and start meeting people. You aren't going to find a wife by sitting in your basement hunched over a computer. Singles bars are not a good place for this in my opinion - too loud and noisy, no privacy, totally wrong atmosphere. You need to get out where people can see you in ordinary situtations and what your personality is really like. I met my wife through my church. You may not go to church, but there must be some other activities you can participate in to boost your social skills. If there are any girls you like, take them out for coffee. Coffee shops are very trendy spots without the huge impression of a date and dinner, where you can chat casually and comfortably. Above all, be yourself. Don't try to be something you're not.

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I help others in the name of my Lord, Jesus Christ.

[Renée]

Worldsci, the very best way to learn how to approach girls (as in, for possible romantic or dating reasons) is to have some girls who are just friends, nothing more, and hang around with them. That way you get to see how they think and what they like and don't like. If you grew up with a sister somewhat close in age, that gives you a benefit, just because it gives you some insight into how girls think. It's extra hard for a guy who hangs around with only guys to know what a girl wants and how to approach her.

Well, in case you don't have the luxury of having a sister or friends who are girls, I'm a girl who has been approached by guys in both good ways and bad ways. I hope my little version of Approaching Girls 101 is somewhat helpful...

• I think one of the biggest mistakes guys who are new at dating make is spending weeks and weeks having a huge crush on a girl they haven't become friends with yet, working up their nerve, and then just bluntly asking her out. Don't just go right up and ask her out on a date before you've even spoken more than two words to her. Girls are usually uncomfortable saying yes to a date with a guy they hardly know. That's a great way to get turned down, and once you get a "no," it's really hard to ask again. Get to know her first. The best thing to make this happen is to be in a situation where you know you'll see her on a regular basis--like a club that meets regularly or, like MacGyver said, a church group or other type of organization (know any gaming groups where girls play?). This will allow you to get to know the girl before you pounce on her with a date request.
• One big way a girl decides if you are attractive or not is how confident you appear. This matters even more than looks do. If you know guys who are less than average looking but who still get loads of girls, then they know this secret well. Girls have that woman's intuition about this. They can tell how you feel about yourself. If you think you're a loser, then they sense that. If you just "know" that she's going to say no, she probably will. If a guy thinks of himself as undesirable, then the girl thinks it must be true. There's a nice middle ground between being down on yourself and being an arrogant, self-worshipping butthole. Know this--you have as much chance as any other guy and you're likeable, nice, really fun to be around, and you like her a lot and want to get to know her. If that's how you're thinking, she'll pick up on it and respond accordingly.
• For pete's sake, please remember to assume the basics until you get to know her better. Girls don't like to hear you belch or fart. Girls may not want to talk about racing or hotrodding with you and they may not want to talk about wrestling, either; ask if they're interested before you go blabbing on and on about last night's smackdown. Girls don't want to hear about other girls you think are hot, even if they are celebrities. Girls do NOT want you to tell them what part of their bodies you like the best. Girls really want to be liked for who they are (which requires getting to know them) by a guy who's fun for them to be with. Girls are romantics at heart and they think about sex in a romantic context; they don't think about it as much as you do or the same way you do.
• This may sound like a strange suggestion, but there are tons of guys who will attest to it. If you want to know what girls your age are thinking about and what's going on in their heads, read their magazines. Seventeen, Teen, Glamour, YM, Teen People, etc. I PROMISE you will find these magazines interesting. Get someone to buy them for you if you don't want to do it yourself...or get them from your sister. Men of all ages have long known this little secret. It might just give you something to talk about with her that she can relate to. Girls are always impressed by guys who know more than just guy things.
• An easy thing to talk about when you're getting to know a girl is music and movies. Find out what she likes and listen to/watch it. It will give you something to talk about and also works great later as a lead-in to asking her to a concert or a movie. Once she's comfortable with you, all you have to do is talk about a movie you both want to see and suggest that you two go together to see it. It worked on me I don't know how many times!
• So once you find a place to hang out socially where girls are, and you get to know some girls, and you find one you really like, and you get to know her better, and you finally ask her out, chances are she'll say yes. If she says no, there are several ways to deal with it, but that's a whole different topic...

[This message has been edited by Renee (edited September 11, 2001).]

[Fierce1]

Hey Worldsci,

McGyver and Renee have made excellent points, and they are on the right track. I like you was in my own little world, and had my own couple of core friends in school, wasn't the big social guy, didn't belong to the "click"....so on and so on. Until one day, this extremely nice, beautiful girl noticed me and asked me out. That was 4yrs ago, now we are engaged, and happy with each other.

Most of all, take things slow. Don't rush. Just like messing with computers, you don't slap the CPU on the MB, them rush to put the fan on just to save yourself 5 min. Girls like guys who are sincere, honest and caring. (I know it may sound kinda mushy, but its the truth, and its really not that bad!) And vice versa, don't fall in love with the first girl you go out with, take time to get to know her. Go out as friends, and don't be afraid to have multple friends (unless you two are totally serious about each other....but don't rush things). And most of all like Mac said, be yourself!!!


Fierce

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Go big...or go home!

Things to do when bored at Wal-Mart:
Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes and X-Men.

[furlong47]

Wow these guys have about said it all....
I've been in a similar situation myself, being a girl who isn't very girly, but I've found that there are plenty of guys out there who are willing to like me for me. Just hang out and be friends. The rest will develop on its own most of the time. Most of my friends are male and even if I can't go out with them they give great insight into what exactly is going on inside the male mind.

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Furlong47's Poetry Page

"True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country."
~Kurt Vonnegut

[Worldsci]

Wow,,,,I've been missing out alot.

Many many thanks to all you guys and ladies for dropping by and giving your priceless advices to lead me to the right track.

Renee, what do u mean by "confident"? and what's the best place to hang out to meet people with college on top of it? I volunteered for the Toronto International Film Festival currently going on and there's a few girls but didn't get much of a chance to get to talk to them.

Sincerely,
Worldsci



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No one cares how hard you worked,
they want result!

[Sowulo]

<font face="Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, Verdana, Geneva" size="2">Originally posted by Worldsci:
I volunteered for the Toronto International Film Festival currently going on and there's a few girls but didn't get much of a chance to get to talk to them.
</font>

That's a good start. You've met some new people. Start looking/acting desperate and they'll disappear faster than my income on bill paying day....

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Note to self: Re-index brain cells, database corruption present.

[Damned Angel]

http://www.maximonline.com/

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<a href="http://www.georgecarlin.com/" target="_blank"> "we're all amateurs; it's just that some of us are more professional about it than others"</a>
----George Carlin

[Renée]

<font face="Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, Verdana, Geneva" size="2">Originally posted by Damned Angel:
http://www.maximonline.com/

</font>

WorldSci, Maxim does have some really good articles about how to act around women. I think they're really good for talking to real women and having women write the articles and be bluntly honest.

As far as "confident," I simply mean the opposite of terrified or down on yourself. I definitely don't mean an arrogant or "I'm the man" kind of attitude. That's an even bigger turn off. I mean just know in your head that you are definitely a guy worth going out with for the right girl! That's all. If you think like that, then it will show.

And as for where to hang out, surely there must be tons of student organizations, clubs, etc. You just have to pick one that seems interesting to you that wouldn't exclude girls. As in, the theatre group is a good pick, but the wrestling team wouldn't be. (Not that the wrestling team would be a bad thing!...it just wouldn't be a good place to meet girls.) The professional association for your major might be good if there are some females majoring in the same thing you are. If not, then go to the student association and get a list of all the organizations on campus and pick another.

When you have to do group projects as assignments, pick a group with girls in it. If you have male friends that hang out with girls, see if you can hang with them socially. If you play a sport, see if there's a co-ed intramural team. If you have a hobby or a special interest that's not covered with a campus organization, or if you don't like the campus version, see if there's something outside the school that meets regularly. Just make sure you find something you like to do. I mean, you don't have to make yourself miserable in the Women's Issues Activist group to meet girls. And if you're into engineering and robotics, you don't have to pretend like you're not. Trust me, there are girls out there who enjoy that, too. We're a minority, but we're out there. If that's all you've doing...just broaden your horizons with something else that sounds fun to you. You'll meet girls by default...

[This message has been edited by Renee (edited September 10, 2001).]

[Garak]

Thanks Guys, ive had the same problems,
thanks WorldSci for posting this topic, i'll have to use some of (if not all) of the advise in this topic...

thanks Guys..
Over & Out

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If You Cant Beat It, Bin It....


Just A Thought

[Mayet]

I agree totally with what renee says
as a matter of fact I always seem to agree with what Renee says

Anyway turn offs
men that arent themselves fakers....
men that try to be heroes.....
men that lie and cheat....
Drinkers smokers and drug heads.....
men with no common sense......
men that don't care about your sensitive side...
messy men who need mummy to take care of them....

turn ons
gentlemen....
SNAGS sensitive new age guys....
men that know what a screwdriver is used for...and thats not the drink
men that listen and care and actually take part in your life......
men that love you for yourself...
men that cuddle and huggle and make you feel warm and snug....
men that spring surprises to show they care...effort means so much
clean men not grubby smelly men....

so as you see its not the physical cause way after the physical has gone there has to be something else to bond you....

and i wouldnt go out with anyone who wasn't a computer geek



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Not one being first .not one being last..
The past is the future, the present is past.
The Bible is the worlds number 1 best selling fiction novel....

[jettlag]

I can't remember how I found this site but it has some interesting points of view that totally make sense. Definately check it out.

www.sosuave.com

I'm currently in the same situation and this was an excellent topic. Since I'm not in school it makes it hard to meet people in my social age group. I've gotten away from the club, rave, and whatever mind altering parties and trying to find some normal people.

If you want to get comfortable around people I would recommend a program called TOASTMASTERS. It great you comfortable public speaking, thinking on your feet, and building confidence. Its dirt cheap, and many different times and places are available. Well worth a look.

www.toastmasters.org

Good luck!

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He who can laugh at himself will never cease to be amused.

[kingtbone]

<font face="Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, Verdana, Geneva" size="2">Originally posted by Renee:

• One big way a girl decides if you are attractive or not is how confident you appear. This matters even more than looks do. If you know guys who are less than average looking but who still get loads of girls, then they know this secret well. Girls have that woman's intuition about this. They can tell how you feel about yourself. If you think you're a loser, then they sense that. If you just "know" that she's going to say no, she probably will. If a guy thinks of himself as undesirable, then the girl thinks it must be true. There's a nice middle ground between being down on yourself and being an arrogant, self-worshipping butthole. Know this--you have as much chance as any other guy and you're likeable, nice, really fun to be around, and you like her a lot and want to get to know her. If that's how you're thinking, she'll pick up on it and respond accordingly.

</font>

I think Renee has some dead-on points here. Especially about the confidence. I've seen, and know a couple of people that are just like what she described. Women seem to have an attraction to the guys that are confident. The problem is, if you aren't confident right now, then the only real way to get that confidence is through experience. Just hang around women in any real life situation, just to get a 'feel' for them (no perverts, that's not what I mean! ). The more you can understand women, the better off you will be. Just get a feel for their personality, and keep things on your end reasonable, and you'll find some one great I'm sure.

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Posts look pretty stupid without the signature, so here it is.

[StevePorter]

<font face="Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, Verdana, Geneva" size="2">Originally posted by kingtbone:
The more you can understand women, the better off you will be. Just get a feel for their personality, and keep things on your end reasonable, and you'll find some one great I'm sure.

</font>

Who understands women? I mean, really understands women? A guy I know did a marriage seminar recently. He had a couple grad students posted on opposite sides of the room, each with a white board and a marker. All the women went to one side, and men to the other. When both groups were asked what they wanted out of the relationship, the women listed so many different items that the grad student was writing sideways into little spaces to fit everything in. On the men's side, only two items were listed: sex and food. We think differently and have completely different goals. When it comes to figuring out the opposite sex, it's easy: Guys = simple; Gals = complex.

However, Renee summarized the subject most succinctly. And as somebody else said, if you chase 'em, you'll never get 'em. Most people enter into a relationship never seeking one. Go figure...

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Some computer problems require extreme solutions. Spaceman Spiff sets his blaster on deep fat fry...

[PitaBred]

<font face="Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica, Verdana, Geneva" size="2">Originally posted by Worldsci:
Now I'm in college studying Automation and Robotic and I have a problem: I don't know how to approach girl.

Well you see, I spend most of my time doing computer stuff (games, photoshop, checking out appz etc..) for the entire high school and lacked hanging out with friends (most of my friend are also computer-heads too) and of course lacked the social skills to approach/talk to girls.

I am not joking here and I believe there’s lots of guys out there (reading this maybe?) have the same situation as I do.

Any suggestions, comments and or guides you people have?

And also what does girl look for in guys?
========= =
About me:
I’m 5’6, 160 lb, not rich and I guess I looked ok

Help please!!!!!
</font>

Just remember, girls are people too. They want what everyone wants... well, besides geeks. I think a lot of women would pass on a 1.4Ghz Athlon system if they had to But seriously, just go talk to them. Complement them on something they're wearing. Ask them questions (nothing TOO intimate. Yet. ) Sometimes, all they're looking for is someone who ISN'T afraid to come talk to them. Also, make sure you let on that you do have romantic intentions, like ask them on a date after the first few days or whatnot. If you don't, you'll quite possibly fall into the good old "just a friend" trap. Been there, done that... hehe. Experience talking. And don't be afraid to take charge, either, say when something doesn't go according to plan, etc. Shows character, and face it, you're up against other guys who are trying to show her why they are bigger/better/smarter/nicer/etc. than you are, so you have to make sure your qualities shine through.

Also, open doors, etc, etc. Some girls are offended by this, but they can just go take their feminist butts elsewhere I'm not doing it because you aren't capable of doing it, ladies. I'm doing it so you don't have to. Ok. That rant's done... heh.

And women still want the same things, Steve. And guys want more than they let on. Women would have no reason to even socialize with us if it wasn't for sex And guys eventually learn that even if she is a great cook and wonderful in bed but a b*tch the rest of the time, that doesn't make a good relationship. We want more, we just don't express it, part of the whole grunting and butting heads thing. Alrighty, time for me to get off my soapbox, and for Garak to go meet some girls

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Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of