CD, this might not be the best way to bring this out, but the Lord tests us in many ways. I know that I am far from a good example, but things do happen for a reason. At one point in my life I wanted to end it all, that lasted for a couple of nanoseconds. After that, another apparent screw up happened, I joined the US Navy. Along the way, I met the woman I would marry. We have 3 great kids, when they aren't acting like the little devils that kids often do. Then I made preparations for getting out of the military, without any benefits at all. This nearly sent me into a breakdown, but I recovered. Now I have a decent job, where I don't have to constantly be forced to train the untrainable until their guess factor gets lucky, stand long watches at night in addition to my normal daily work and no more dictatorship leaders. This never would have happened if I hadn't chosen to do something difficult and dealt with things even more demanding than I had thought of. I made it through it all, and so can you. There is no shame in crying for those that are no longer with us, and you can certainly worry some, but not so much that it consumes you.
Good Luck.