Astrological Business Sign?

[NeuromancerIV]

Ok OK! I know I've done this before, but I wanted to update this......
Instead of Astrological Signs, how about your "BUSINESS SIGN"? Add any you think were missed!!
-----------------------
1)Marketing:
You are *****ious, yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating on drinking and socializing, which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now.Least compatable with "Sales"
2) Sales:
Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree" You are also self-centered and paraniod. You are also a fantastic story teller and listener and have the ability to pretend to empathize with customers who have cash in hand as they tell you their life stories and various personal tragedies, being a sociopath helps. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout life. You may even be a burned out Tech or NW Administrator, reminiscing about "when IT was still fun" or you may have NO infomation about what you sell other than whats on the spec sheets. Either way now despised by the organization's "Technology Workers" and accused of playing Quake3A on the 'net all day on the AMD 1.33GHz demo machine, you set out bitterly to show up the lesser 'techs, by making a voyeur cam webpage from the Office's Security Cameras and causing random server crashes.
3)Technology Workers:
Unable to control much in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace or on the customers site. Oft-times even YOU don't understand all that you know, but who the hell can? Often thwarted by "management", ignored by "marketing" and backstabbed by "sales" you are forced to implement projects with little or no information about what you are actually doing. You often play with large caliber weapondry. But it is written: "Geeks shall inherit the Earth.."
4)Engineering:
Only one of the 2 signs that actually studied in school. It is said that Engineers place 90% of all Personal Ads. You can be happy with yourself, your office is full of "ergodynamic" gagdets. However we ALL know know whats really causing your "carpal tunnel syndrome."
5)Accounting:
The only other sign that studied in school. You are the most feared person in your organization; combined with your extreme organizational skills, that lead many to say you are completely insane. Yet they will always act as if you are their dearest friend.
6)Human Resources/Operations Manager:
Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possible the only other person who that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today, because you have to get a haircut, have lunch and THEN mail a letter. You probably are a freind of the CEO and thus your position is secure
7)Management:
Cat-like, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life, unless you commit suicide or get lucky (see CEO) Unable to make a single decision yet bombarded by more and more responsibility you measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited for other "Managers" as everyone in your social circle is also "Management."
8) Senior Management:
(See-Above, same sign different title) with the addendum that you are even more clueless about the true state of your organization due to the fact the "middle management" attempts to conceal all negative news then gives each other's departments glowing reviews to conceal their treachery.
9)Customer Service:
Bright cheery positive, you are a $.50 cab ride from taking your own life. As children very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend play "Customer Service"
You also have no useful information to give customers as your senior management doesn't wish a paper trail once the products features are actually exposed as defects, poor engineering or programming glitches in the coming class action law suit.
Continually passed over for promotion, your best bet is to sleep with a manager, before yopu apply that defeatest attitude to your customers problems as well.
10)Consultant
Lacking any specific knowledge yet ironically called a "knowledge worker", you use acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack of experience. You have convinced yourself that your "skills" are in demand and that you could get a higher paying job with any other organization in a heartbeat. You will spend an eternity contemplating these career options without ever taking direct action.
11) Recruiter (Headhunter)
As a "person" that profits from the success of others, most people who actually work for a living disdain you. Paid on commission and susceptable to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond directly to fluctuations in the stock market.
12)CEO, President, Partner
You are brillant or lucky. You inability to figure out complex systems such as the fax machine suggest the latter. You are the least informed in your organisation as to its actual financial state or any moral or employee issues. For as all shift leaders filter out negative news to middle managment, so do the middle management further filter out negative details to Senior Management, who filter out the possiblity of negative or useful information reaching you.
13)Government Worker
Paid to task days off. Government Workers are genius inventors, like the invention of new Holidays. They usually suffer from deep depression or anxiety, and usually commit serious crimes on the job, Thus the term..
"Go Postal."

In case anyone cares, I'm a solid #2 (former embittered NW admin)

[Matt_29]

my sign is ... #2 windrivers addict

we all know who is number #1 (besides scott)

[Mr_Miyagi]

did you type all that, or did you cut and paste?

[NakedMessiah]

Yes, looks like you need to add several more. Maybe someone would love to do a business sign for lawyer, doctor, presidential intern (hee hee).

[NeuromancerIV]

Typed it the 1st time I posted it months ago, this time, damn skippy I cut and pasted!!

13. Web Guru: You, ironically, are probably the single most valuable individual in your organization yet probably the most underappreciated. You can crank out Flash intros, International E-Commerce sites with full PHP/ASP support in mere minutes, yet when the office fax machine craps out, instead of IT, the Office Manager asks YOU to fix it, since it can't be that hard and IT is busy, and all you do is sit in front of the computer all day anyway. You also have a deep seated anger, desiring the death of most of your customers, who call you continuously with minute changes and modifications to their webpages on a daily basis. You always hear about better jobs, but the Non-Compete form you naively signed prevents you from working within 100yards of a PC if you leave the current company for the next 20 Years!. In retaliation, you, and you alone, have the master list of PW's to ALL of the company and clients web pages, and you know the single hole in the Company Linux Firewall *hell you wrote the script for it*... so when you leave....hell follows.
*contributed by my web-master*

[PuterGeekGirl]

Those are pretty good!! And fairly true...

[Deity]

That web-guru one hit a little close to home.

[NeuromancerIV]

Cabling Technician: Obviously, you are a Masochist, crawling through 18inch high ceiling in sweltering heat, while getting everybit of exposed flesh covered in insulation. What other person with sense would want to try to punch a hole in a firewall while in a workspace less then 3 feet square? Indeed, you wear the scars inflicted from shoddy power wires, lighting and random nails and screws as "Red Badges of Courage". You can smell a bad patch cable and tell if a fiber node is working by the way it "feels". The other merely mortal HW/SW techs look at you with a mixture of awe and fear, hoping the whooping cough/ lung cancer you've gotten after inhaling fiberglass shards for years isn't contagious.

[NeuromancerIV]

I will probably cease this thread, and not bring it back for a while. I think I'm the only one who enjoys it!



Secretary/Administrative Assistant: You are even more defeatist than Phone Support Technicians. At least they retain the hope of moving to better things, like death and reincarnation. You have only an endless hell of "He/She's not in right now amy I take a message?" "Yes, I would love to reorganise all the personell files and sort them according to employee hair length sir/ma'am" and "Oh course, I made you forget to tell me to schedule that important appointment you never mentioned, my telepathy isn't working today." And endless eternity of eating crow. But One guesses the reason its all worthwhile to you is that once year special day the office crew dig out last years secretary day card and put it in a new envelope. Hell, they might even wash out the stolen starbuck coffee mug before presenting it to you as a gift. You are about a 3 day waiting permit from playing Russian Roullete with a semi-auto pistol.

[CobraTekMax]

This is me:

Company F***-Off.
You make your co-workers green with envy, as you make more money that most of them, and no one can figure out what the hell you do. You greet every request or task with the phrase "That's not my department", and pass the buck along to someone else.
You are most comfortable locked up in your office, with the phone off the hook. You excel at arts crafts, such as making paper airplanes and doodling pictures of naked chicks.
You will find your perfect mate by the water cooler.