What if Noah lived today...

**cc_penguin** · August 20th, 2002, 07:22 AM

Did you ever wonder what it would be like if Noah had to build the Ark with today's standards? I just got this email from my dad and thought I would share....

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It is the year 2002 and Noah lives in the United States. The Lord speaks
to Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the
whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save
the righteous people and
two
of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding
you to build an Ark."
In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark.
Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.
"Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring
everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all
the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in
his front yard weeping. "Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?" "Lord
please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big
problems.
First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not
comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the
plans.
Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a
fire sprinkler system and floatation devices. Then my neighbor objected,
claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my
front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning
commission.
I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban
on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the
U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls. However,
the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.
The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate
a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on
the Ark, but still no owls. When I started rounding up the other
animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only
taking two of each kind aboard. Just when I got the suit dismissed, the
EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an
environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take
very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct
of the Creator of the universe. Then the Army Corps of Engineers
demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe.
Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal
Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by
not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard! The IRS has seized all my
assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the
country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I
owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a
recreational water craft." Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an
injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since
God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event, therefore
unconstitutional. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another
5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began tocalm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. Youmeanyou are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?" "No," said the Lordsadly."The government already has."