Iraq at war with Ireland

**ephmynus** · April 8th, 2003, 10:55 AM

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade
next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Hussein!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy
down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you
that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How
big is your army?"

"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is
myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart
team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one million men
in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Begorra!", said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war
is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and
14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to
1-1/2 million since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is
still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified
Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys
from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"

Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must
tell you, Paddy, that I have 1,000 bombers and 2,000 fighter planes. My
military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air
missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO
MILLION!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin',
Mr. Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the
war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of
heart?"

"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints,
and decided there's no fookin way we can feed two million prisoners."