UK News Flash

[The Tilb]

NEWS FLASH

A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the richter scale hits Essex

A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours of Monday 29th April 2003.
Epicentre: Canvey Island,Essex.

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "fockin
mentoe", "innit" and "cont".
The earthquake decimated the area causing almost £30.00 worth of
damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair.
Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed.
Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived.
Essex News reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Canvey.
One resident – Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 3 said " It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay Mercedes came running into the bedroom of our rented mobile home crying. My fiancé, 40 year old Darren, was unable to sign on that day, he was so shocked. My youngest two: Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I
was still shaking when I was watching Kilroy the next morning."
Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal.
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.
Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include benefit books,
jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those unfortunate to be caught up in this disaster.
Clothing is most sought after, items most needed include:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps,
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers),
Shell suits (female)
White sport socks
Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Primark.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include Microwave meals, tins of baked beans, ice cream and cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.
22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms,
£2.00 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9,
£5.00 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the
nerves of those affected.

Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of posh housing is
unfair on the population or neighbouring areas of Vange, Pitsea and Laindon.

[Orangeman]

I didn't know England got Earthquakes....its a new one on me...


I hope things fizzle out and return to normal,

Orangeman

PS. Do you happen to know what the US has alotted in the way of earthquake relief????

[darkhorse]

Such is life in the Essex Badlands... remember to send Donnay International clothing by special courier (Escort XR3i)

[Atodini]

A white convertible of course......

Actually I spent a month at canvey one day! working at a gas plant (on the network). Never seen so many medallions & hairy chests in one place...& that was just the girlies!!!

[darkhorse]

Originally posted by Atodini
A white convertible of course......

Actually I spent a month at canvey one day! working at a gas plant (on the network). Never seen so many medallions & hairy chests in one place...& that was just the girlies!!!

make that a white convertible playing some massive choooons...

A day feels like a month indeed

[gazzak]

It's true what's said about Essex! I went there last Friday and as you enter Essex every other car turns into a ford! It's quite surreal.