Joke Of The Day

[Mayet]

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud
pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a
drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is three o'clock in the
morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?"she asks.
"No, I did not, it is three in the morning and it is pouring out!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember
about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped "I think
you should help him, and should be ashamed of yourself.
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the
pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.

[JPnyc]

A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked around, still not finding her husband.

Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement where she finally found her husband crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked him.

"Remember when your father caught us having sex when you were sixteen?" he replied. "And remember he said I had two choices: I could either marry you, or spend the next twenty years in prison."

Baffled, she said, "Yes, I remember, so what?"

The husband sobbed, "I would have gotten out today."

[Tecumseh]

One day an Irishman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over
ten years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a
ship," he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he
begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.

Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde
wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approaches the stunned man and
says to him, "Tell me how long has it been since you've had a
cigarette?" "Ten years," replies the Irishman. With that, she reaches
over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a
pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and
says, "Faith and begorah! Is that good!"

"And how long has it been since you've had a sip of whisky?" she asks
him.

Trembling, the castaway replies, "Ten years." She reaches over, unzips
her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the
flask, takes a long swig and says, "'Tis absolutely fantastic!"

At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down
the front of her wet suit, looks at the man and asks, "And how long has
it been since you've played around?" With tears in his eyes, the man
falls to his knees and sobs, "Oh, sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got
golf clubs in there too!."