Tech support phone calls I heard about

[Melmac]

> Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
> Customer: "Ok."
> Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
> Customer: "No."
> Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
> Customer: "No."
> Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this
> point?"
> Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." (At
> this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech
> support staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling
> when I got back to the call.)
> Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?"
> Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"
>
> ************************************************** *****
>
> Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
> Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."
> Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
> Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
> Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
> Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
> Customer: "What?"
> Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
> Customer "No..."
>
>
> ************************************************** *****
>
> Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see
> the 'OK' button displayed?"
> Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
>
>
> ************************************************** *****
>
> Customer: "Uhh...I need help unpacking my new PC."
> Tech Support: "What exactly is the problem?"
> Customer: "I can't open the box."
> Tech Support: "Well, I'd remove the tape holding the box closed and go
> from
> there."
> Customer: "Uhhhh...ok, thanks...."
>
>
> ************************************************** *****
>
> Customer: "I'm having a problem installing your software. I've got a
> fairly
> old computer, and when I type 'INSTALL', all it says is 'Bad command or
> file
> name'."
> Tech Support: "Ok, check the directory of the A: drive-go to A:\ and type
> 'dir'."
>
> Customer reads off a list of file names, including 'INSTALL.EXE'.
> Tech Support: "All right, the correct file is there. Type 'INSTALL'
> again."
> Customer: "Ok." (pause) "Still says 'Bad command or file name'."
> Tech Support: "Hmmm. The file's there in the correct place-it can't help
> but
> do something. Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the
> Enter
> key?"
> Customer: "Yes, let me try it again." (pause) "Nope, still 'Bad command or
> file name'."
> Tech Support: (now really confused) "Are you sure you're typing
> I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the key that says 'Enter'?"
> Customer: "Well, yeah. Although my 'N' key is stuck, so I'm using the 'M'
> key...does that matter?
>

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Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it.

[Who Me]

Thanks for brightening up my afternoon, I've had some dumb questions from the users here in my time but....... sorry cant stop laughing

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Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

[cyberhh]

dunny, dunny tuff - my f and s keys are stuck is it okay if I use t and d instead?

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Death is lighter than a feather - duty heavier than a mountian.

[MacGyver]

Man, my grandfather said it and the older I get the more I believe it:

"When God said brains, there were some people who thought he said trains and they all got out of the way!"

This from an 80-year old man! I have a lot of respect for him.

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All this technology, and I still can't download a pizza!

[Jediab]

Well we have all heard our "Urban Legends" stories.

Coffee Cup Holder Broken
Power out to dwelling and user cant figure out why computer doesnt work

But the story I have REALLY happened!

I used to work for a major computer vendor's tech support, and a fellow tech whom I sat next to had this call.

A lady called up and said that her computer was was causing random text to appear on her screen while in programs such as Word, Notepad, Excel etc.

It would not be in any sort of legible text.

It would be for instance 736hdvcnyudjfg0-dbcnd jj hj kj==\

A system scan for a virus found nothing. My budy looked all over in Windows 95 to see if the keyboard was properly set.

English 101 keyboard.

He also checked in the BIOS to make sure that all things in there were set correctly.

There were no apparent IRQ or any other sort of resource conflicts.

Being stumped, he thought that it must be a faulty keyboard.

He started up the RMA process to send her a new keyboard.

While he was doing this he heard in the background the lady's son yell out, "Mom! Your boobs are on the keyboard!"

There was a some silence from the woman, and she then said, "Yep that was it. Thanks for your time." *CLICK*

I guess that the woman had a large chest and when she would lean over to use her mouse, her breasts would press down on the keyboard causing the text to come up on the screen.

This theory was proven to be true by my wife (who also has large breasts) a few days later.



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I am not clever enough to put anything of any interest in this spot

[MacGyver]

ROTFLMAO! I don't think you can help her with that application!

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All this technology, and I still can't download a pizza!

[DesertEagle]

That almost beats the guy who liked using his computer naked and while moving it to check the connectors on the back, slammed it down on his schlonginheimer and let out a scream the whole room could hear. I gues he liked typeing with it too. What is it called, carpal weiner syndrome?

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"Don't Believe the Hype !!"
Public Enemy

[Larommi]

Maybe someone has a link but, the best support call I ever heard was one where a guy sent a laptop in for repair and they formated his hard drive. Started out calm then went into a rant. It is quite funny!! If someone has a link, please post it. I would like to D/L it again!



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Microsoft is to software what McDonalds is to gourmet cooking!

Dale Earnhardt #3 (1951-2001)
You will be missed!

[Larommi]

Found it!! Play #11

http://www.windrivers.com/TECH/humor/techcalls.htm




------------------
Microsoft is to software what McDonalds is to gourmet cooking!

Dale Earnhardt #3 (1951-2001)
You will be missed!

[behemoth1]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by jediab:
Well we have all heard our "Urban Legends" stories.

Coffee Cup Holder Broken
Power out to dwelling and user cant figure out why computer doesnt work

But the story I have REALLY happened!

I used to work for a major computer vendor's tech support, and a fellow tech whom I sat next to had this call.

A lady called up and said that her computer was was causing random text to appear on her screen while in programs such as Word, Notepad, Excel etc.

It would not be in any sort of legible text.

It would be for instance 736hdvcnyudjfg0-dbcnd jj hj kj==\

A system scan for a virus found nothing. My budy looked all over in Windows 95 to see if the keyboard was properly set.

English 101 keyboard.

He also checked in the BIOS to make sure that all things in there were set correctly.

There were no apparent IRQ or any other sort of resource conflicts.

Being stumped, he thought that it must be a faulty keyboard.

He started up the RMA process to send her a new keyboard.

While he was doing this he heard in the background the lady's son yell out, "Mom! Your boobs are on the keyboard!"

There was a some silence from the woman, and she then said, "Yep that was it. Thanks for your time." *CLICK*

I guess that the woman had a large chest and when she would lean over to use her mouse, her breasts would press down on the keyboard causing the text to come up on the screen.

This theory was proven to be true by my wife (who also has large breasts) a few days later.



</font>

AMEN Brother mine was a former stripper...hubby was a truck driver she did his books. Lady was smart, pretty, nice, paid her bills on time,...and near sighted. so i had a real problem spitting out the fact that her (huge) breasts were the cause of the random letters appearing on the screen

but meanwhile her hubby is running to the bathroom so he dosen't pee his pants.

on the plus side she gave me a copy of one of her old posters...goooooood i had to hide that one from the wife.



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be·he·moth n.
1. Something enormous in size or power.
2. Someone who is abnormally large [syn: giant, goliath, monster, colossus]
3. A person of exceptional importance and reputation [syn: colossus, giant, heavyweight, titan]

Acronym - Definition
BEHEMOTH Big Electric Human-Energized Machine, Only Too Heavy

[lgrimm]

LMAO.......carpal weiner.....damn that was good!,

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Ever stop to think....and forget to start again?

[x_789]

I had a call from a person who wanted me to help her get her plastic ruller that fell in the crack inbetween the desk and the wall out. WTF??? Uh can you move the desk ? I mean what the hell are you calling me for lady? X

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No really That paper thingy you took out of the box with all the words on it was not packing material its called a "MANUAL"

[Jediab]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by behemoth1:

AMEN Brother mine was a former stripper...hubby was a truck driver she did his books. Lady was smart, pretty, nice, paid her bills on time,...and near sighted. so i had a real problem spitting out the fact that her (huge) breasts were the cause of the random letters appearing on the screen

but meanwhile her hubby is running to the bathroom so he dosen't pee his pants.

on the plus side she gave me a copy of one of her old posters...goooooood i had to hide that one from the wife.

</font>

AWESOME!

Do you have a scanned pic of that? I need that for umm... errr.... proof of what you say is true. HEH! HEH!



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I am not clever enough to put anything of any interest in this spot