[RESOLVED] Things you wish you could get away with...

[jaeger]

Just all those things your boss/society/the law won't let you get away with. Me personally:

1. Slapping around customers I think are too stupid for the good of society.

2. Putting huge DUMBASS stickers on the computers of those I deem worthy.

3. Mandatory IQ and literacy test before you can buy a computer.

4. The right to be just as neanderthal as the customer. (sometimes ya think they'd just start behaving if they realized what they looked lik)

[Green Iguana]

1) Not paying property, sales and income tax.
2) Not smogging my vehicles or paying license fees.
3) Not registering my firearms.
Hell, I can think of dozens of things, these just top the list.

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It's a dog eat dog world out there, and there isn't enough dog to go around. So get as much dog as you can, before all the dogs gone.

[jimmr13]

Originally posted by Green Iguana:
1) Not paying property, sales and income tax.
2) Not smogging my vehicles or paying license fees.
3) Not registering my firearms.
Hell, I can think of dozens of things, these just top the list.

I agree with you 200% Those are all so my top 3 picks! But #4. Has to be Out Lawing Telephone marketing !


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If all else fails read the directions !

[iateyourcat]

just drape your sweaty sack over somebody phone next time they're out. it can be anybody you don't like. you'd be suprised at how cathartic this feels.


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=-iateyourcat-=

[This message has been edited by iateyourcat (edited December 02, 2000).]

[Blackhawk]

1. Mounting a .50 Cal. to the roof of my car to motivate the a-holes who think that driving 55 MPH in the left lane is their God given right.

2. Pulling over cops who don't use turn signals, speed without the benefit of lights and sirens, and tailgate; then sentencing said offenders to 30 days in the county lockup with an inbred, father raping redneck named Delbert.

3. Beating about the head and neck anyone who uses AOL and LIKES IT.

4. Confiscating all computer-related hardware from the morons in example # 3. (Forget their software...do I really need 14,000,000 copies of "Catz", "Dogz", et. al. ad nauseum?)

God, I love to rant.

P.S. Remind me never to visit Atlanta, for fear of getting "sacked".....



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Blackhawk
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Illegitimis non carborundum.
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[email protected]

[BreakWindows]

1)Stand on the sidewalk.
2)Go into a PUBLIC park with a small group of my friends.
3)Do anything mildly objectionable, but legal, near City Hall without being arrested.
4)Walk down the street with less than $2 in my pocket.

Yes, those things are now illegal in NYC...thanks, Mayor Jackass..

5)Let linux use the TrueType fonts from my Win partition on the same drive, without being called a "pirate" (arrgh)
6)Use professional wrestling moves on people who mispronounce computer terms they only use in a vain attempt to sound intelligent (eg: "rooter" and "r ow ter")

And the most important:
7)Tell customers what the problem REALLY is!!



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Either drop the Windows out of your computers, or drop your computers out of the windows.
BreakWindows

[Damned Angel]

1)simply place my hand on a machine and say "abbra cadabra" and have the customer think its fixed.

2)club parking police

3)club the creator of norton utilities (cleansweep, crash guard/cause etc.)

4)not have to pay for gas

5)not have to pay for my upcomming wedding


[This message has been edited by Damned Angel (edited December 03, 2000).]

[oldman]

right on
tell moromonic customer what the problem really is
tell cheapass partner where to put it
oh, that's right, i did, no longer partner, looking at starting business over )

[Sowulo]

I just love people who don't want to pay taxes and then scream the loudest when the police/fire dept. don't respond fast enough to suit them...I used to do crisis intervention counselling with families who had teens in trouble...I've seen this attitude too many times....sorry about the soapbox but sometimes a little sanity and logic just leaks out...

[Jvaguy]

A) sleeping
B) spending my money on myself
C) not having to pay bills
D) reading windrivers forums while working
E) telling my boss to shove it ... ohh wait i did that already

[poida217]

Choke John Howard for allocating millions of dollars to improve the roads (which basically means paying guys to go around and fill in dinner plate sized potholes in the road with asphalt) as opposed to reducing the extortionately(sp?) high fuel prices here (which most people would prefer).

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I can't get lost, everyone tells me where to go.

[AlienDyne]

1. Laughing at everyone who is stupid enough to deserve it, including my boss!
2. Kicking bad customers out and telling them never come back again!
3. Parking my car wherever I want!
4. Playing NFS5-Porche Unleashed at 3:00am, turning the sound so loud that my sub would explode!
5. Sleeping for more than one day!!!

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"Matter is passive. In spite of its power, it can't be controlled without the human mind." Sokrates

My Hardware Info, Hardware Media and Computer History page

[3fingersalute]

Originally posted by BreakWindows:
4)Walk down the street with less than $2 in my pocket.

Yes, those things are now illegal in NYC...thanks, Mayor Jackass..

It's illegal to not have money ???

That's a new one!



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Why do convenience stores that are open 24/7 have locks on the doors?

[CobraTekMax]

1)Beat customers within an inch of their life when they irritate me, and inform them that next time, they won't be so lucky.
2) Wear a fur coat made entirely out of baby seals.
3) Be able to "modify" my 12 gauge.
4) Tell customers that there is absolutely nothing wrong with their computer, they're just too damn dumb to use it.
5) Screw the "beating within an inch of their life" thing, I just wanna empty a clip full of 9mm hollow points in their skull.
6) Kick co-workers square in the nuts for looking at me the wrong way.
7) And most of all, I want to come to work in a motorized wheelchair and scream "TIMMAY!" all day long.

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Clatu...Verata...nnnn...necktie...nectur...nickel. ...it's definately an "N" word...

[Danrak]

1.Put big rubber bumbers all over my car so when people try to merge into my lane without looking the can hit the bumbers and go flying off the road.

2. Use the same bumbers to "nudge" people off the road that think going 25 in a 55 hitting their brakes every 10 feet because the can in the left lane is their god givin right.

3. Buy a bunch of computers for dummies, windows dummies and internet for dummies books and give them to our special customers.

4. Fix our intranet so it will stay up more then it is down then lock the server from all the bosses so they can't screw it up.

5. Hang up on rude/annoying customers.

6. telling my boss what I really think about his new ideas instead of putting it nicely.

7. Get very little sleep still have energy and not be so grumpy.

8. Be like my co-workers, show up 10-15 minutes late, take 20 smoke breaks, come back from lunch late, leave earlier and complain because your here more then anyone else and deserve a raise. (by the way anyone got some duck tape I can borrow?)

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.·°Danrak°·.
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

[This message has been edited by Danrak (edited December 04, 2000).]